somehow the fashion world doesn’t seem fashiony without being decadent and flirting lightly with death. yes, not necessarily so, but quite often the case. it is also in defiance of death. like smoking. lighting up is like- screw you i don’t care, we’re all going to die anyway! and a part of me likes the bravado in that.

still. i remember what i used to eat during my Tokyo modelling contracts. Breakfast- oatmeal and a huge coffee. Lunch- 2 sticks of Calorie Mate, Diet Coke and a small bag of Soy Popcorn. Dinner- noodles and veggies. this almost sounds like a lot. but i was always hungry. i worked out like a fiend and smoked a pack of Marlboro light a day. a day?! i smoked? usually lighting up as soon as i stepped out of the gym. i looked good and was starving.

weekends would be the 2 days i actually allowed myself to eat. and i pigged out. i would attack the ice cream machine outside my building. the plan was starve 5 days and eat for 2. i was a mess.

my model friends food anecdotes were endless too. my roomate Keetja and i were often too tired at night to even try to eat. we would fall down on the tatami with a bag of popcorn and beer [also from the machines outside our building]. i had one roomate who would ONLY eat white food. tofu, white rice, white chocolate. she bought herself a tiny pet bunny. and then also decided it was fat and starved it too. Kirsten did the put her cigarette out in her desert thing, often on the Concorde. there was that perfect get-all-the-catalog-gigs girl who ate peanut brittle all day long and refused to use the muscles in her face in fear of wrinkles. or when i told my Tokyo agency i was constipated and they got me the strongest laxatives available. i mentioned them to the other girls. and they all wanted to give them a try. i also used to go to some expensive juice spa where they would starve me for a week, for a hefty fee, before i went to Paris. where i would then only eat cheese and pain au chocolat until i wanted to go home again.

i would call that all insanity. a part of me wants to think that C’est La Vie or that’s just the price of La Dolce Vita. but… i can’t quite bring myself to encourage anyone to live that life. and of course there are ways to do it healthy. but good luck with that.

and apart from people actually starving themselves to death. they are starving their beautiful brains. brains don’t work on no food. brains are a beautiful thing.

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Wow! That’s horrible! Especially the part about starving the bunny too because she thought it was fat! Thanks for sharing and glad your eating healthy now (and hopefully not smoking so much…)

Ivy Frozen    27 November 06    #

it all sounds pretty outrageous and kooky now. it was a while ago. and it just was how things were. and i quit smoking a long time ago :)

SwanDiamondRose    28 November 06    #

Oh good for both! & “seemed like a good idea at the time” kind of thing, eh? ::has a few of those herself and still wonders what she was thinking for some of them::

Ivy Frozen    28 November 06    #

with the recent media attention to the 2 models who died from anorexia, it brought back memories. they were definitely crazy times. but sort of the norm in that world. and others for sure. it definitely seemed like a good idea at the time or at least what i should be doing. wierd!

SwanDiamondRose    28 November 06    #

I worked as a TV show producer/director for a few years in the 80s and 90s, and had to work and spend much time with lots of models. I made very good friends with some of them along the way, so I totally understand your feelings about this subject. I saw terrible things too, and tried my best to be of help to some girls trapped in that insanity, which I think had its roots in all the pressure put on them, from their own families, to their agencies and the advertising/TV executives. I saw real psychological damage in many of them and most of the people didn’t notice it or just didn’t care.
It’s a crazy world.
So good to hear you see things in a diferent way right now (I hope most of them do), and quitting smoking is a great thing too! :-)

himawaridoll    5 December 06    #

thank you himawaridoll for your thoughtful comment and for sharing your experiences :)

i guess i could add that i am grateful for the good experiences- the travel, experiencing other cultures through work, a first taste of incredible independence. just not sure i was very well suited to it all.

SwanDiamondRose    6 December 06    #

Makes me feel like crying. Living, self imposed hell.

S.    11 December 06    #


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